Hey followers or soon to be followers taking it i have yet to get any followers to my blogs lol. Friends read them but because i post the links on my twitter, myspace, and facebook (hint, hint) oh well, at least someone is reading them.
This blog is filled with some many different and mixed emotions. Everything of course thats on my mind.
Today is Christmas Eve, and as I sit here with cancelled plans. Yes home alone and thats what i want to just do. Was suppose to be driving down to Avenal but again they pissed me off and so i decided to stay home. Home were i find myself spending all my time. Ever since my ex i seem to be the homebody type of person. I went through so much with him. I know one thing fasure is that I'm not the same Edwin i used to be, and never will be. And i hate it i cry sometimes because i cant change it and at the fact that i allowed one soul to make it all happen someone i trusted someone i loved someone that WAS my bestfriend, the one that could make me happy but make at the same time make me feel lifeless, the most ugliest person. Im different im shy, quiet, jealous, sometimes if feel like my youth was robbed. I like the fact that im mature and independent. Like i said in my previous blog Things happen for reasons lots reasons. And im sad but glad at the same time for all that i have went through this year. Im so much wiser than i was a year ago. Enough of that mess.
I was in monterey the last two days. What a great time i had. Driving over to Monterey was so exhilarating. I went to see Ben my baby doll. Oh how i missed him so much. When im around him i feel like i dont have to say a word but just look in his eyes and fall into a fairy tale, kind of corny but its true. He showed me a great time. the time we spent together was priceless. First night we went to his theater for his Christmas party. Was fun. We bonded and laughed. We got hella stoned that night and laughed and laughed i hadnt laughed that much for a long time. We went to the aquarium were i enjoyed it so much. I love the penguins there the cutest ever. It was he's surprise for me. But just spending time with him is all i wanted to do. I enjoyed the trip so much. I like him a lot. I sound like a school girl but its true. He races through my head day and night. I love how he always makes sure im ok....."you ok baba"?....as he calls me. Holding him in the night just completed me knowing that i was going to wake up next to him made me feel so good. Took me alot to leave that night but he made it all better telling me " Baba ill see you thursday." I drove home that night and thought about so much good things though. It was a great trip and im sure monterey will be seeing more of me =)
Right now im just down stairs watching music videos about to take a nap. Kind of tired taking i worked all day. Work is so annoying right now. But its like i cant do nothing about it. So i just take it and shut my mouth ok, well i complain here and there but overall it isnt that bad. Im blessed to me employed.
New Years Eve is something im looking forward to. Ill leave it at that so i dont jinx myself thankkkkss.... lol
Tommorow is Christmas and if i dont make it to Avenal i will be spending it with a new friend in my life shes an awesome gal loud and crazy just like the old edwin =). Well i wish you all a very Merry Christmas and Happy New Year...not sure if ill be updated by then so ill just wish it now! =)
Thank You for reading........................
Always,
Edwin Barrera
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Sunday, December 6, 2009
The End of the Begging..
Hello, and welcome wow my first post. I honestly don't know why I never gave into blogging years ago. I always thought I never had time to keep things updated. But in reality the free time I do have I spend it on the computer lol. Well, I welcome you to Edwin's spot. Intended to build a list of loyal subscriber’s who share a common interest.
Im a some what open person I like to express what I feel and why I feel the way I feel. Im loving caring and somewhat mature. Maybe then the average 21. I do have a list of things I need to mature but with life and its adventures im sure i will overcome that.
Wow, Good-Bye 2009! Hello 2010.
This year wow, I sit back and so much rushes through my mind. Ive met some really aweful people this year but I do believe of things happening for a reason. God placed me in there paths for reasons. Maybe to learn more about myself and to learn more about how cruel other people can be. I also put myself in some bad situations were honestly I was kind of afraid for my life. But again things happens for reasons.
But, i too met so many great friends this year. Some older friends that were lost and i recovered them lol and we got closer. Also, new ones that now we are building a friendship like no other.
*Im just writing whatever comes to my head =)
Talking about meeting great people. Halloween Weekend 10-30-09 I met a great guy. Ok, let me give you some history growing up my parentals never let me go out on halloween and dress up we did get to pass out candy and blah blah but never did we go out. So I have been accustomed to not going out. Even as i moved out on my own i have never gave interest to going out halloween. Weird i know .. But this year i did. and let me tell you i met a great guy in the process. His name is Ben. Ben was visiting in with friends. I Honestly had my eyes on him prior to actually seeing him in person. Well, we hit it off. I was drunk and so was he. A mutual friend introduced us. I actually couldnt stop staring at the guy. Somehow we all three ended up on the dance floor. Dancing away .. i was trying to dance all sexy too try to impress him trying to get his attention. And it worked hahaa... as he leaned over and told me "I like your mohawk"... (aww) He liked my mohawk i was thrilled and on cloud nine let me tell you. Well Enuff said Ben is a great guy we clicked and we have been enjoying each other since then. I understand him, and he understands me. We talk and talk and sometimes i talk to him more than he wants but hes a great listener. Im so glad and excited for having him in my life.
Ive had a struggle with my dad. My dad (grandpa) suffers from high blood pressure, gout in his feet, he's diabetic, has had 1 open heart surgery, 2 strokes and a heart attack. Well, my dad suffers from alot. I hold him dearly to my heart. He has raised me to be the man I am and will always treasure him and our memories. I know god is calling his name and wants to take him from us so he dont hurt no more. But some of us dont want to let go. But as i sit here and express this thoughts it hurts me to see my dad suffer, he was the always the macho never gave up type of guy. But this year he has suffered so much. I love you daddy! I will always carry you in the pocket heart like you told me im in.
My other family members are doing great sisters, brothers, nieces, nephews, cousins, and the list goes on. Its been a minute since I went down to my hometown. Avenal as its called lol a small town infested with drugs, gangs, violence, and dreams. I say dreams because i come from there and with dreams ive have hoped to one day accomplish.
Wow, i guess i can go on for days but i might say ill leave it for the next posting. Hopefully ending the 2009 year with a bang! Thanks for reading
Always, Edwin Alex Barrera
Im a some what open person I like to express what I feel and why I feel the way I feel. Im loving caring and somewhat mature. Maybe then the average 21. I do have a list of things I need to mature but with life and its adventures im sure i will overcome that.
Wow, Good-Bye 2009! Hello 2010.
This year wow, I sit back and so much rushes through my mind. Ive met some really aweful people this year but I do believe of things happening for a reason. God placed me in there paths for reasons. Maybe to learn more about myself and to learn more about how cruel other people can be. I also put myself in some bad situations were honestly I was kind of afraid for my life. But again things happens for reasons.
But, i too met so many great friends this year. Some older friends that were lost and i recovered them lol and we got closer. Also, new ones that now we are building a friendship like no other.
*Im just writing whatever comes to my head =)
Talking about meeting great people. Halloween Weekend 10-30-09 I met a great guy. Ok, let me give you some history growing up my parentals never let me go out on halloween and dress up we did get to pass out candy and blah blah but never did we go out. So I have been accustomed to not going out. Even as i moved out on my own i have never gave interest to going out halloween. Weird i know .. But this year i did. and let me tell you i met a great guy in the process. His name is Ben. Ben was visiting in with friends. I Honestly had my eyes on him prior to actually seeing him in person. Well, we hit it off. I was drunk and so was he. A mutual friend introduced us. I actually couldnt stop staring at the guy. Somehow we all three ended up on the dance floor. Dancing away .. i was trying to dance all sexy too try to impress him trying to get his attention. And it worked hahaa... as he leaned over and told me "I like your mohawk"... (aww) He liked my mohawk i was thrilled and on cloud nine let me tell you. Well Enuff said Ben is a great guy we clicked and we have been enjoying each other since then. I understand him, and he understands me. We talk and talk and sometimes i talk to him more than he wants but hes a great listener. Im so glad and excited for having him in my life.
Ive had a struggle with my dad. My dad (grandpa) suffers from high blood pressure, gout in his feet, he's diabetic, has had 1 open heart surgery, 2 strokes and a heart attack. Well, my dad suffers from alot. I hold him dearly to my heart. He has raised me to be the man I am and will always treasure him and our memories. I know god is calling his name and wants to take him from us so he dont hurt no more. But some of us dont want to let go. But as i sit here and express this thoughts it hurts me to see my dad suffer, he was the always the macho never gave up type of guy. But this year he has suffered so much. I love you daddy! I will always carry you in the pocket heart like you told me im in.
My other family members are doing great sisters, brothers, nieces, nephews, cousins, and the list goes on. Its been a minute since I went down to my hometown. Avenal as its called lol a small town infested with drugs, gangs, violence, and dreams. I say dreams because i come from there and with dreams ive have hoped to one day accomplish.
Wow, i guess i can go on for days but i might say ill leave it for the next posting. Hopefully ending the 2009 year with a bang! Thanks for reading
Always, Edwin Alex Barrera
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